


That's Not Bucky That's.....

by Slayer_of_Destiny



Series: Comedy Section [1]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Bucky didn't kill Tony's parents, Comedy, Fluff and Humor, Gen, Not Captain America: Civil War (Movie) Compliant
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-07
Updated: 2020-07-12
Packaged: 2021-03-04 03:08:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 17,291
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24586639
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Slayer_of_Destiny/pseuds/Slayer_of_Destiny
Summary: Until they can clear Bucky's name and make sure that he isn't whisked away by different Government agencies that want to get their hands on the Winter Soldier, Tony comes up with a plan to hide Bucky in plain sight. Just some Avengers fun.
Series: Comedy Section [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1777273
Comments: 142
Kudos: 551
Collections: Avengers Collection, Iron Man





	1. Bob

"Steve we have visitors!" Natasha hurried into the room startling him and Bucky from where they had been reading quietly.

"Visitors?" Steve frowned putting his book down, by Natasha's tone they weren't friendly.

"It is government agents!" Natasha hissed motioning over her shoulder before five men walked in followed by Sam, Vision and Clint.

"Why are you here?" Steve frowned, but his eyes flicked to where Bucky was sitting in the armchair in the corner reading, though his book had been lowered and he was sitting wound like a coil. "How did you get in?"

"I am sorry Captain Rogers, they had a warrant that overrode my system, I had to allow them in," FRIDAY said smoothly.

"Your computer kept us locked outside for the last half an hour!" The lead agent hissed. Steve had to hide his smile with difficulty, FRIDAY had had to let them in due to their warrant, but she had delayed them long enough for Tony to no doubt reach them, going by the sound of the Iron Man armour landing on the pad outside that his super-hearing picked up. She no doubt could have kept them locked out indefinitely, but Tony must have told her to let them in now he was here.

"She is an A.I not a computer," Steve shrugged. "Why are you here?"

"We have an arrest warrant," The lead agent smirked. The whole room stilled. Ever since they had brought Bucky in several agencies had been fighting them, pushing and demanding that Bucky be handed over, all wanting to have the Winter Soldier in their hands, all stating the fact that he was a wanted criminal.

Everyone was ramrod straight, the Avengers scanning their minds trying to think how they could refuse an arrest warrant without causing a war that they did not want to have to fight, but knowing that the moment they handed Bucky over, getting him back would be nigh on impossible, and not knowing what information the agencies would manage to get off of him in meantime.

Bucky was tensed in his seat, he had known that this moment was going to happen, and he cursed himself for being stupid enough to hope that it might not. The Agents were all tensed waiting to see how the Avengers would react, none of them wanted to have to pull a gun on Captain America and The Avengers, and none of them wanted to imagine the mess they would end up in if the Avengers chose to fight.

"Arrest warrant for who?" Tony asked breezing brightly into the room, cutting through the tension like a knife. He was looking bright, bubbly and in full PR mode.

"Sorry?" The lead agent blinked.

"I asked who you have an arrest warrant for...sorry what is your name?" Tony smiled winningly at the Agent as he came to a stop beside Steve.

"Agent Wainwright," The man blinked. "We're here to arrest Bucky Barnes,"

"Oh sorry for your wasted journey," Tony beamed.

"Wasted journey?" Agent 2 frowned confused.

"He's not here," Tony leant forward to say the words like it was a secret.

All five Agents blinked at him before turning pointedly to look at Bucky, where he was sitting in the armchair, the Avengers all turned to look at Tony bemusedly.

"He's not here?" Wainwright said slowly still looking at Bucky.

"Nope!" Tony nodded. "Sorry for your wasted journey,"

"He's sitting right there," Agent 3 actually pointed.

"What?" Tony frowned turning to look at Bucky. "Who? Where?"

"Right there!" Agent 5 pointed as well.

"What? No, that is Clint's cousin, Bob," Tony laughed.

Steve stared down at him, completely baffled as to where he was going with this.

"Sorry?" Agent 4 frowned.

"That is Cousin Bob, Bob Barton," Tony shrugged.

"That is Bucky Barnes!" Wainwright shouted pointing at Bucky, Steve had to fight down his laughter despite the situation considering three agents were now just standing there pointing at Bucky.

"That's my cousin Bob, we have just found each other and are working on our relationship, rediscovering the familial bond and spending time with each other," Clint said dryly. Thankfully he and Tony had pranked enough people over the years, mainly the other Avengers, for him to roll with whatever it was Tony was doing and back him up.

"He is Bucky Barnes!" Wainwright shouted, taking a threatening step forward.

"Dude, harsh, do you have no sense of decorum or sensitivity!" Tony snapped, startling everyone in the room, the three pointing Agents - still pointing - turned to look at him wide-eyed.

"Sorry?" Agent 3 asked.

"I mean really, your sensitivity is something else. I am disgusted and quite frankly from now on I will blame you five for every single sensitivity training that is created and I have to fend off suggestions to attend!" Tony shook his head as he reached up to pat Steve on the back, the Captain just staring down at him as it clicked what Tony was doing, and he quick rearranged his features into a pained one.

"I...what?!"

"I am really disgusted!" Tony shook his head.

"Tony, you don't have to," Steve said in the most choked up voice he could manage, arranging his features into an even more heartbroken expression. Bucky was staring at him, a little open-mouthed, and completely confused as Steve let out a loud sniff.

"It isn't ok for them to do this Steve," Tony said firmly gripping his shoulder. His eyes twinkled when they met Steve's when the blond reached up to grip his hand.

"What the hell are you going on about?!" Agent 2 spluttered.

"Look it might have been 71 years to the rest of the world, but Steve was frozen for most of it. To him, it has only been a few years since he watched his best friend falling off that train. I don't know what game you're playing, but this is one damn cruel joke," Tony shook his head.

The rest of the Avengers didn't change expression, but Steve knew they had clicked on when they all shifted their body language, making themselves express as much disgust and proactiveness as they could instead of defensiveness.

"What?" Agent 5 blinked repeatedly. "Huh?"

"My best friend died in 1945," Steve said in a trembling voice.

"No, he is sitting right there!" Agent 4 huffed.

"That's my cousin," Clint huffed.

"Bob," Sam nodded.

"Check your records, Sergeant James Buchanan Barnes died January 1945," Tony shrugged.

"Look, we have a warrant for his arrest!" Wainwright said clearly losing his temper and started towards Bucky.

"I'm sorry, but how can you have an arrest warrant for a dead man?" Tony stood in between them, all playfulness gone as he crossed his arms and tilted his head.

"What?" Wainwright halted.

"FRIDAY, access personal records, give me a status on Sergeant James Barnes please," Tony called.

"Sergeant James Buchanan Barnes, status is deceased, January 1945," FRIDAY answered.

"There we go, so how can you have an arrest warrant for a dead man?" Tony asked.

"The arrest warrant is for the Winter Soldier!" Wainwright snarled.

"Oh, you know who the Winter Soldier is?" Tony asked enthusiastically.

"Yes! Bucky Barnes!" Wainwright was getting redder and redder by the second.

"How can the Winter Soldier be a dead man?" Tony snorted.

"He's not dead, he's sitting right there!" Wainwright spluttered pointing at Bucky.

"That's cousin Bob," Tony shook his head.

"No, he is Bucky Barnes!"

"Bucky Barnes is dead," Tony sighed shaking his head.

"No, he is the Winter Soldier!" Wainwright was steaming.

"Cousin Bob is the Winter Soldier?!" Tony gasped with so much mock shock Steve had to fight down his laughter.

"No Bucky Barnes is! And we are here with an arrest warrant to arrest the Winter Soldier!"

"So you're saying Cousin Bob isn't the Winter Soldier?" Tony frowned.

"Yes!" Wainwright roared.

"Well, good luck finding a dead man to arrest," Tony shrugged.

"We don't have to find him, he is sitting right there!"

"No, that is Cousin Bob, you just said Cousin Bob isn't the Winter Soldier," Tony sighed throwing his hands up. "Look, I am sure that you're just doing your job, but you seem to have been given some duff information,"

"He isn't Cousin Bob!" Wainwright snapped.

"Can you prove he isn't?" Tony smirked.

"Can you prove he is?" Agent 4 smirked right back.

No one was expecting Tony to shrug and stroll over to Bucky. He winked at Bucky who was staring at him as he reached down and pretended to reach into Bucky's hoodie pocket, Bucky watched instead as a small card wallet slipped into his hand from up his sleeve.

Tony turned and strolled back over to the agents, flicking through the wallet before withdrawing a driving license and passed it over.

"This is…"

"Bob Barton!" Tony nodded.

"But...run this now! Prove it is fake!" Wainwright hissed throwing the license at Agent 3.

Steve fought to keep his expression on what Tony called his Righteous Face number 4, as the Agent typed furiously away before looking at his boss fearfully.

"No! This is... This is fake!" Wainwright shook his head.

"How dare you accuse me of such a thing!" Tony gasped, clasping his chest dramatically. "You would dishonour me this way!"

"Dishonour on you, dishonour on your cow," Clint muttered in the background.

"He's Bucky Barnes!" Wainwright practically screamed.

"He's Cousin Bob," Tony, Clint, Steve and Natasha all said practically at the same time.

"He's Cousin Bob," Sam shrugged.

"I'm Cousin Bob," Bucky nodded.

"No!"

"Boss, maybe we should come back!" Agent 4 said quickly when it became clear that Wainwright was about to go nuclear.

"Could we get Bob's license back please?" Tony asked cheerfully.

"No!" Wainwright snapped, snatching the license and started storming away.

"No problem," Tony chirped. "FRIDAY charge Agent Winthrop's agency for a new license for Cousin Bob!"

Wainwright paused before he carried on his exit, the other Agents hurrying after them.

"They have left Boss," FRIDAY said a few moments later.

Steve started howling with laughter, the others not far behind.

"Oh my Thor! That was brilliant!" Clint said between snorting laughter.

"I forgot how funny it is watching you play with idiots," Natasha snickered.

"Oh, that was perfect," Steve chuckled. "You were so good!"

"Didn't do too bad yourself Captain Puppydog face," Tony snorted strolling over to the kitchen and started the coffee machine.

"They're just going to come back," Bucky sighed, good mood disappearing.

"Still stands that they can't arrest a dead man, and I have erased any of the footage from the Project Insight incident that had your face on display, there is nothing else that links your face to the Winter Soldier, we just need to keep this up until my lawyers are finished," Tony shrugged grabbing his cup in one hand and throwing a bundle to Bucky with the other.

"What are you planning?" Clint smirked.

"Oh my go….I hope Wainwright comes back!" Bucky snorted focusing on one of the cards.

"Just a little fun, we don't get enough of that anymore!" Tony smirked hopping up onto the counter and taking a loud slurp of his coffee.

"You mean you're fed up of sitting in meetings right now," Natasha laughed.

"I am very incredibly bored," Tony groaned.

"Why is that not a surprise, how fast did you throw yourself out the window at the SI when you heard they were here?" Steve laughed.

"Pepper is going to kill you!" Clint sang.

"Isn't she on holiday?" Sam frowned.

"And Tony promised to watch SI while she was away," Natasha smirked.

"Wait...why do you want that wanker to come back?" Clint frowned turning to Bucky as his words clicked.

"Because this identity is Sam's twin brother," Bucky grinned over his book while Sam spluttered.


	2. Bronislava

Chapter Two

"Bucky Barnes! You are under arrest for terrorism crimes!"

Bucky, Steve, Clint, Natasha and Sam paused their meal, Bucky and Steve had their forks halfway to their mouths and Natasha had a mouthful of food in her mouth, her cheeks bulging slightly from the amount she had eaten.

They had been fighting Doombots in Central park considering the Fantastic Four were apparently on holiday - and Natasha had made a note to set Steve loose on them about the fact that Superheroes didn't get holidays and they certainly did not take them together - the only saving grace was that Doom had looked as put out at their arrival as they were upon arriving.

Still, it had been hard work, they were a little singed and grumpy, and hungry.

And their meal was now being interrupted by idiot government agents. Going by the looks on their faces they had heard about Cousin Bob, and they had thought that catching them without Tony would get around that.

"I'm sorry, Bucky Barnes?" Clint asked looking at the four agents who were surrounding their table.

"Yes, Bucky Barnes who is sitting right there, and who is not Bob Barton!" Yeah, they had heard from Wainwright about the whole thing.

"Don't be silly, that isn't my Cousin Bob," Clint laughed.

"Bob went back home a few weeks ago," Steve nodded.

"I miss Bob, he was fun," Sam raised an eyebrow at Bucky.

"Bob was fun," Natasha nodded.

"So, you're admitting that that is Bucky Barnes then?" Agent A asked confused.

"Isn't she a little young to be Bucky Barnes?" Clint frowned at Bucky.

"And a little more, alive," Sam waved at Bucky.

"Look, we know this is Bucky Barnes, and we are here to arrest him,"

"Sorry, no Bucky Barnes here, just two women and three men simply having a bite to eat," Natasha shrugged.

"You aren't going to be able to get that one over on us, we are not stupid and...two women?" Agent B frowned.

"Yes, two women," Bucky looked challengingly at Agent B.

"No, there are four men and one woman here, one of which is Bucky Barnes," Agent C huffed.

"Are you secretly Bucky Barnes Cap? Was it really Steve Rogers that fell from that train and out of a long-held secret love for the man that you had grown up with, but never been able to admit your feelings for, you took on his identity and carried on fighting in his name?" Clint swooned playfully, Sam and Natasha trying not to laugh at how horrified Bucky and Steve looked.

"You have been reading too much fanfiction," Natasha snorted.

"Look…" Agent D started to say.

"There is one thing that doesn't work with that theory I am afraid," Steve said, though he was shooting Clint a dirty look still.

"Hey!" Agent B huffed.

"Which is?" Clint fluttered his eyelashes at Steve.

"See here…" Agent A puffed up.

"The serum," Sam rolled his eyes.

"Oh, damn it, it was such a good theory as well!" Clint snapped his fingers.

"Look! That is Bucky Barnes!" Agent C snapped pointing at Bucky.

"That isn't Bucky Barnes!" Sam laughed.

"That is my sister Bronislava Romanoff," Natasha yawned.

"Si…" Agent A spluttered.

"Sister!" Agent D finished for him.

"Yes, sister, you have a problem with that?" Bucky asked.

"But...no! No! You aren't her sister!" Agent C spluttered.

"Yes, I am," Bucky nodded.

"Bronislava has been Natasha's sister their whole lives," Clint hummed stealing a few bites from Natasha's plate until she started trying to stab him with her fork.

"And what are you doing in New York...Bronislava?" Agent C sighed.

"Well…" Bucky took a breath and the Agents looked triumphant before he lifted his head and met their eyes. "When I was fourteen I ran away from home because I wanted to be a ballet dancer but mother and father said that I could not be, I wasn't very good at it but for years I work hard and danced every day like I had never danced before, and finally I managed to get a place on in a ballet troop but horror struck on my first performance and I was seriously injured, I started healing but I was worried that I would never dance again and I turned to drugs and alcohol and bad men that never treated me right, I worked hard and managed to dance again and I eventually made it to Prima but my drug habit was out of control and I was horrible to those around me through a paranoia that they all wanted my position, I started sleeping with both the main male dancer and the production manager to try and keep my place and so descended into an even shadier side of the world until eventually one of those that I treated so badly in the past came for revenge and put glass into my shoes. With my feet shredded I ended up in the hospital and realised what I had become. I retired myself from the world view of dancing and sought out my younger sister who had always been the voice of reason to me, and I have been here, getting clean and trying to turn my life around!"

Sam, Clint and Natasha stared blinking at Bucky, completely stunned while Steve looked like he was going to pop something holding in his laughter.

"Oh, you poor thing," Agent C patted his shoulder.

"None of that was true! That is Bucky Barnes!" Agent A barked and Agent C stood upright quickly flushing.

"Would you like to see my licence?" Bucky asked innocently. "I'm also googleable," He added tapping on his phone and bringing up the article about the fall from grace of Bronislava Romanoff.

"We...we will be back!" Agent C stammered.

"Dun dun dun," Clint and Sam said together.

"You make better choices sweetheart!" Agent C whispered before hurrying after his follow agents.

There was a brief pause around the table where only Bucky was eating until finally Steve snapped and started roaring with laughter.

"How the hell did you get that article onto google?!" Clint demanded grabbing Bucky's phone and to scroll through it.

"Miss FRIDAY is incredibly helpful if you speak nicely to her, I got bored one night," Bucky shrugged.

"You're sneaky for a geriatric!" Sam snorted.


	3. Billy

Chapter Three

"I'm sorry what?" Agent Teare blinked at Bucky.

"I'm not Bucky Barnes," Bucky nodded.

"Oh really, and who are you?" Agent Timms snorted.

"Billy Wilson," Bucky answered, ignoring the Avengers shuffling slightly, Clint looked like he was going to wet himself as they all realised where he was going.

"Wilson, as in Sam Wilson?" Agent 3 sighed. They had clearly heard about the ploy that the Avengers were using to keep Bucky with them, and thought that they were going to beat them this time.

"Yup. He's my brother," Sam crossed his arms staring at Agent Timms.

"Brother?" She huffed.

"Yes," Sam nodded.

"We're twins," Bucky said completely seriously. Internally he was rolling around laughing as all 6 Agents jaws practically hit the floor.

"Twin brothers?!"

"Yes, you got a problem with that?" Sam asked walking over to Bucky and standing cross-armed next to him.

"Yes!" Agent Teare motioned between them. Bucky and Sam turned to look at each other, taking their time to look the other up and down.

"Is it because I am taller?" Bucky asked.

"Because I am better looking?" Sam offered.

"Because I have a nicer smile?" Bucky offered his most charming smile.

"Because I am right-handed and he is left-handed?" Sam shrugged.

"Are twins different handed? Can they be or do they have to use the same hand?" Tony mused out loud.

"Well they must have to be able to be differently handed considering the Wilson twins here are alternating handed," Clint chipped in.

"Good point Legolas, the Weasley Twins here prove that point!" Tony nodded.

"Weasley Twins?" Steve frowned.

"Please tell me you have watched Harry Potter by now Steve!" Tony gawped at him horrified.

"I am with him on this," Natasha shrugged when Steve turned to look at her.

"It is amazing," Bucky agreed.

"See Twin Billy is a big fan!" Tony waved his hands at Bucky.

"Huge fan! Though Draco and Harry should have ended up together instead of Harry and Ginny," Bucky shrugged.

"Oh my Thor right! They were totally in love!" Tony bounded over to Bucky.

"Definitely, the whole Harry/Ginny thing was a little gross," Bucky scrunched his nose.

"Because they made a point of pointing out how Harry looked like his dad so much and how Ginny looked like Lily right!" Natasha joined in.

"Right!" Bucky and Tony nodded.

"They aren't Twins!" Teare snapped.

"I...I can't believe it...it is because of my arm isn't it!" Bucky placed the most wounded look he could summon on his face, catching Tony pressing his face into Steve's shoulder to hide his laughter, as he turned to look at his prosthetic before looking to Sam. "They don't believe we're twins because of my arm Sammy!"

Sam narrowed his eyes at Bucky who smirked back with his eyes. "Well, Billy, that is just horrific!"

"So prejudice!" Tony agreed.

"Disability discrimination is a serious matter in today's society!" Steve shook his head disappointedly.

"It is terrible! I didn't think the agencies stood for that anymore!" Clint tutted.

"No, that isn't it!" Teare spluttered.

"What is it then?" Sam asked.

"It's…." Agent 5 waved between them.

They looked at each other again before turning back and shrugging. "Yes?"

"You're different races!" Agent 6 shouted, Teare and Timms, spinning to try and stop him but not getting there in time. Their shoulders slumped, realising that they had lost.

"Oh! I see how it is!" Sam pointed at them.

"We shall be writing a letter of complaint about this!" Bucky nodded.

"Racism and disability discrimination," Natasha tutted.

"Am I too black to be your twin?"

The question hovered in the room for a few beats before Sam turned and looked over Bucky's Irish white complexion. "Yes, I think so," He said dryly.

"Racist bastards!" Bucky gasped at them.


	4. Benjen

Chapter Four

"Pardon me?"

"You're pardoned," Tony waved the Agent off and turned back to Bucky showing him the tour book.

"No, I meant as in, what the fuck did you just say!" Agent 1 shouted.

"Well, really that is absolutely terrible language to use when there are children around! You should be absolutely ashamed of yourself! This is a family friendly area, and not only are you here trying to arrest a completely innocent civilian, but you are also using such foul, disgusting and deplorable language in said area!" Steve swelled up to full Captain America Righteousness.

"Well said, Captain!" A passerby called.

"My little girl heard that!" A mother scowled at the Agent.

"My little boy did!" A dad shouted from where he was standing pointedly covering his son's ears nearby.

"He is right you should be disgusted with yourselves!" A grandmother glowered at the Agent nearest her.

"Fuck!" A sweet little girl said nearby, her pigtails and gap-toothed beaming grin couldn't have worked better for them.

"I didn't...I mean...this…" Agent 1 looked horrified at the glares she was receiving.

"That is Bucky Barnes Mr Stark, not…."

"Ben," Natasha corrected helpfully.

"Ben Stark," Clint nodded.

"Benjen Robb Jon Ned Bran Rickon Stark, to be accurate," Tony smiled brightly throwing his arm around Bucky's wide shoulders.

"As in from Game of Thrones, the TV show?" Agent 2 said dryly.

"Heathens!" Tony declared loudly.

"Honestly, really? What do you think Tony invented time travel to go forward in time and decided to use that time to choose out a name for his son from a TV show?" Clint sighed shaking his head and crossed his arms.

"Not that Tony chose the name," Steve shrugged.

"He's named from the books," Natasha nodded.

"His mum was a big fan," Clint added.

"I said no! No! We can not possibly call our child Benjen Robb Jon Ned Bran Rickon Stark, but she insisted and ignored the fact that I insisted that he would be bullied in school, but she ignored me and so Benjen Robb Jon Ned Bran Rickon Stark he is and Benjen Robb Jon Ned Bran Rickon Stark he shall remain!" Tony sighed dramatically.

"I prefer the Targaryens," Bucky said dryly, watching amused as the Agents heads snapped from Avenger to Avenger trying to keep up with the rapid fire conversation.

"I live in hope that George R Martin will avenge that dreadful ending that the TV show gave Daenerys," Steve pouted genuinely, he still wasn't over it.

"So yes, Benjen Robb Jon Ned Bran Rickon Stark, my beautiful bouncing, significantly bullied, buddle of joy," Tony beamed at them, wrapping his arm back around Bucky's shoulders.

"And how old is Benjen...exactly?" Agent 3 asked raising his eyebrow.

"14," Tony said with the straightest face ever, especially considering he was standing on his ties to keep his arm wrapped around Bucky's shoulders.

"14, at that height?" Agent 2 drawled.

"I know, he still has so much to grow yet, but then he is a growing boy and he hasn't had all his growth spurts," Steve nodded.

"I wouldn't bring it up though, he is a little sensitive about how short he still is," Clint mock whispered.

"Short?" Agent 7 frowned.

"You'll get there Benjen!" Someone called from the crowd.

"That is not Benjen Stark, that is Bucky Barnes!" Agent 6 shouted into the crowd waving his hands at Bucky.

"Nope, I am Benjen Robb Jon Ned Bran Rickon Stark," Bucky shrugged and nearly threw Tony into the lion enclosure they had been outside of with the move.

"Bucky Barnes!" Agent 3 snapped.

"I don't know why you are all insistent upon doing this!" Steve wailed and honest to god pulled out the largest handkerchief that they had ever seen in their lives. Complete with his name embroidered into one corner and his shield on the other.

"Wha…" Agent 2's eyes widened in horror.

"I don't know why you people keep showing up insisting that my best friend in the whole world, a good man, who I lost in a tragically horrific way is alive and keep trying to arrest him," Steve said before wailing and blowing his nose noisily into the handkerchief.

"We…"

"I had to watch him fall you know, I reached my hand out to try and grab him, but I was too late!" Steve let out a little sob and dropped his full, considerable, bodyweight onto Clint who grunted and braced his legs before patting Steve's back.

"There...there…" Clint wheezed.

"And the only bright spot in my life, the only good in this cruel, cruel world, the young, innocent, bright light that Benjen Robb Jon Ned Bran Rickon Stark is to me, and they want to take that away!" Steve wailed into his handkerchief.

"You made Captain America cry!" A little girl scowled at Agent 3 as she kicked him hard in the shin.

"I have seen Mr Stark and young Benjen Robb Jon Ned Bran Rickon Stark around the city a few times!" A man called from close by.

"You leave Benjen Robb Jon Ned Bran Rickon Stark alone!" Someone else shouted.

"Leave Ben alone! Leave Ben alone! Leave Ben alone!" The chant went around the zoo, leaving the agents no choice but to beat a hasty retreat.

"Mr Captain America sir, can I have a picture with you please?" The little girl who had kicked the Agent grinned up at him.

"You can have as many pictures as you like!" Steve grinned lifting her and placing her carefully onto his shoulder.

"Free ice creams for all for supporting me and my son Benjen Robb Jon Ned Bran Rickon Stark here!" Tony laughed as a cheer went around the zoo.


	5. Brody

Chapter Five

Bucky was panicking a little and the Agents in front of him knew it, going by the smirks that they were throwing at him. They had managed to separate him out from the Avengers, and even though he had more than been able to hold his own with the Agents so far, he had had the support of the others right here with him.

Now he was alone with them, without their support for a ruse, and he could not remember any of the aliases that were sitting in his pocket waiting to be used, and the Agents were closing in on him.

When it came down to it, his brain was still scrambled and put under pressure like this he wasn't coping well. He knew that he should never have allowed the others to tempt him from the Compound to join this gala, but Steve had promised him that there would be dancing, and Bucky still loved dancing.

He should have stayed in his sweats and hoodie with his hot chocolate at home.

He could see Steve trying to make his way across the room to him, but every time he tried there was a convenient Agent in the way, Bucky was fairly sure that they were all the Agents that they had embarrassed before, they seemed to have banded together, and to the winner went the spoils.

A hand was reaching for his wrist, and he seized up, no fight or flight, just freeze. Once they had him he was done for, once they grabbed him there was very little anyone could do, even Tony's army of lawyers.

He closed his eyes and waited for the grip around his wrist, the prick of an injection to sedate him until they could do whatever it was to him that they planned on doing to control his strength, and so control him.

"No," The voice came out of nowhere and Bucky opened his eyes again to look at the man standing between him and the Agents, a man that he knew of but had never met before, the last person that he expected to see here, never mind apparently standing between him and the Agents.

"Excuse me, who the hell are you?" Agent A snapped.

"Sorry, I couldn't hear you over the sound of you committing a crime!" The man said cooly.

"We're not committing a crime!" Agent B spluttered at the implication.

"False arrest and imprisonment is still illegal the last time that I checked!"

"We have a warrant for his arrest!" Agent A huffed.

"Guys, what are you doing?" Agent C asked nervously appearing from nowhere and eyeing the man standing between them and Bucky with a fear on his face that said he knew exactly who this was.

"This idiot must work for Stark or something, he is trying to slow us down," Agent B rolled her eyes.

"Guys.." Agent D had the same fear on his face, clearly recognising their foe.

"I most definitely do not work for Stark!" The man barked.

"Then you have no reason to be standing between us arresting Bucky Barnes," Agent A huffed.

Bucky could see the Avengers all getting closer, managing to nudge away the Agents, but not really in a position to make a scene they couldn't just shove them out the way, in the manner that they clearly wanted to.

They were looking more confused and baffled by Bucky's saviour however than worried about the situation which made Bucky feel a little better, though the outright smirk that Natasha was wearing did seriously worry Bucky, the Black Widow smirking was never a good thing in his experience.

At least he was far enough away from her to not have to worry about her smothering him with her thighs. Again.

"That's not Bucky Barnes, that's…"

"Let me guess! Bob Barton?!" Agent A exploded.

"Guys…" Agent C practically whined in fear.

"Billy Wilson?!" Agent B sneered.

"Guys!" Agent D shook her head.

"Bronislava Romanoff?!"

"Guys!"

"Benjen what the hell ever middle name that is from Game of Throne and is clearly made up Stark!?"

"Guys!" Agent C shouted.

"What?!" Agents A and B shouted back.

"That is Nick Fury!" Agent D hissed, and the two initial AGents turned to face the man with wide, fearful eyes, seemingly taking in for the first time...everything that was the man. The eyepatch, the long black coat, the combat boots, the pin neat suit under all that that somehow fitted with the rest of the ensemble, not than anyone would dare suggest it didn't.

"You're Nick Fury?" Agent A gulped.

"Yes," Nick nodded. And before Bucky could do or say anything, not that he had any clue what he would do or say, Nick Fury, stepped up to his side, wrapped one arm around Bucky's waist, took his metal hand in his other free hand and raised it to his lips and pressed a kiss to the back of it.

"Errr…." Bucky blinked.

"And this is Brody Fury, my husband," Fury said in the same tone as one would announcing war, or that lunch was ready.

"H...h...h...husband?!" Agent A was looking apoplectic.

"Yes, h...h...h...husband," Fury mocked. In the background Bucky could see Tony and Natasha barely keeping each other up as they laughed, Clint was actually using one of the Agents, Wainwright he thought, to keep himself up as he laughed. Steve was looking slightly horrified.

"You're saying he is your husband?!" Agent B squeaked.

"Yes, he is my sugar bunny," Fury nodded seriously.

"Sugar…" Agent C gawped.

"He's Bucky Barnes," Agent D choked.

"No, Bucky Barnes is dead, long dead. This is my little honey pot, Brody Fury. I have our first, second and third anniversary pictures, our engagement announcement, wedding certificate, wedding pictures, first, second, third, fourth, sixth and seventh wedding anniversary pictures, along with a selection of pictures and moments that display our lives together being greatly in love," Fury listed in the most stoic tone possible that Bucky was fighting not to laugh against him.

"Not fifth?" Agent C asked weakly.

"We don't mention the fifth anniversary, I mucked that one up badly!" Fury mock whispered.

"Right…" Agent A looked like they would rather be anywhere but here.

"Would you like to see the multiple evidence that I have of my life here with my sugar plum?" Fury asked, and Tony in the background hit the floor laughing.

"He...he is Bucky Barnes," Agent C whined.

"Sorry, no, though he does have the strong and regally bearing a hero doesn't he?" Fury looked at him with what Clint called gooey eyes.

"Ugh…"

"Mr and Mr Fury, you could make it!" Pepper Potts swept over to them with a bright smile. Bucky nearly lost it when she shook both their hands. "I am glad that we didn't time this for when you are taking your second honeymoon, we are lucky,"

"You know my Cutie Patootie can't resist a chance to dance," Fury smiled at Pepper.

"You are always so sweet with each other, I am jealous, really I wish that Tony was half as romantic as you are with Brody," Pepper tittered.

"If...if you're married, how...how did you meet?" Agent B had balls for challenging the ex-head of Shield Bucky had to admit.

"Well...you see it all started on this mission that went badly wrong and I ended up taking shelter in a garage in the middle of nowhere. My Muffin here was working nearby and had seen me running into the garage to hide, he swept in all steaming hot icy blue eyes and managed to stash me away in his bright red truck, and he swept me away to his ranch in the middle of nowhere, that is when my Thunder Cheeks nursed me back to health using the skills and talents that he picked up from working as a rancher his whole life. Over the month that it took me to heal me and my Pudding here fell deeply, madly, truly in love with each other in a way that I have never felt before, but was terrified that my Bon Bon wouldn't feel the same way for me that I did for him, especially as I had the blood of many on my hands, no matter that it was for the good of humanity and my country. But then one dark, stormy wild night, one of the horses got loose and we ran out into the rain to capture it. Standing there in the rain, pressed against each other I looked deeply into the eyes of my Chipmunk and realised that I couldn't live without him, and I couldn't leave without telling him how I felt, and I knew that I had to leave soon so as not to bring my Peanut to danger with the men that were still hunting me and that I needed to hunt down to avenge my partner that they had killed - did I mention him?" Fury frowned.

"No, but you poor, poor thing!" Pepper shook her head as she patted his arm.

"Thank you. He had ten wives and seventeen children, so I had to avenge him, or they would have killed me, my Nibblet here understood that, and standing there under the rain, wet and panting with the lust and love that we felt for each other we came together in a mad passionate…"

"Oh my god please stop!" Agent D waved their hands, horror written on every inch of their face.

"But...you asked how we got together!" Fury whined. "No one ever lets me tell the story about how my Dumpling and I came together in mad passionate love under the rain and ripped…"

"No! Nope! Uh uh," Agent C turned and walked off.

"But it is romantic!" Fury whined.

"I always love hearing about how you and your Jellybean came to be together, I prefer the story about how you proposed to him though," Pepper's blue eyes were twinkling.

"Oh! It was so romantic, I took him back to the field that we had made love in that first time, and I got down on one knee in front of my Sugar Cube and…"

The other three Agents gave up at that point and scattered, leaving the Avengers to approach them, all of them looking a mess.

"Oh my Thor, that was absolutely hilarious!" Clint wheezed.

"I feel slightly horrified," Tony said through his laughter.

"Where the hell did you even come from?" Steve asked confused.

"I follow my Pickle around everywhere to make sure that he is safe and doesn't cheat on me," Fury said dryly, sending Natasha and Clint back into hysterics. "Right soldier, for doing that you're dancing with me,"

"What?" Bucky squeaked.

"Well, two dances you did also do a pretty good job at trying to kill me. And ten year old me had a super crush on Sergeant Bucky Barnes after our field trip to the museum. Captain America was way too goody two shoes for me. The band is going to play two wartime songs, and you're going to dance with me!" Fury demanded before he started dragging Bucky onto the dance floor.

"Stevie! Help!" Bucky pleaded.

"Two songs and you will be done, you like dancing!" Steve grimaced at the betrayed eyes he received.

"He's going to shoot me!"

"He wants to dance!"

"He's going to shoot me while dancing with me and carry on dancing with my corpse!"

"Don't be so dramatic!" Fury barked as the band that he had no doubt terrified into playing his chosen songs started up the minute they hit the dance floor. "I would just shoot you after if I was going to, Snowflake,"

"Steve!" Bucky wailed.


	6. Bergthor

Chapter Six

"Let us guess, Barton's Cousin?"

"Wilson's Twin Brother?"

"Romanoff's...sister?"

"Stark's Son?"

"Fury's Husband?"

"What are you going for this time? Rogers wife? Wilson's husband this time?" The Agents scowled at the Avengers before they could even open their mouths to say anything.

Bucky, Steve, Tony, Clint, Natasha and Bruce watched amused as they all steeled themselves, clearly trying to be ready for whatever was about to come, clearly trying to have a retort ready for whatever alias that they might come up with to hide Bucky in plain sight.

They seemed to have made some sort of preparation, and one Agent was rolling his neck, seemingly limbering up ready for a verbal battle, ready to take whatever they hit them with.

"Well, I mean, you can arrest him if you want," Bruce shrugged.

"What?" The Agents all stared at them when they shrugged and stepped aside.

"I mean you have every right to arrest him," Natasha nodded.

"I am sure that the UN understand and know why you are doing this," Tony nodded, pausing the Agent who was reaching out quickly for Bucky before they could change their minds.

"The UN?" Agent 1 asked baffled.

"I mean, they did agree to and help organise the peace and asylum treaty," Steve nodded.

"Did they get asylum for Barnes?" Agent 2 hissed to her partners.

"No! At least, I don't think so, they hadn't this morning when we attended our briefing this morning!" Agent 3 hissed back.

"Has Stark got Barnes asylum?!" Agent 1 hissed.

"Barnes? Bucky Barnes?" Tony asked in his best confused voice, leaning into the huddle the Agents had created.

"Yes, Bucky Barnes, who we are here to arrest!" Agent 2 who was still holding Bucky's hand looked at Tony in fear as she realised that this wasn't going to be as easy as they had been tricked into believing.

"Why would I get asylum for Bucky Barnes? Why would you want to arrest him?" Tony scrunched his nose.

"Bucky Barnes died 71 years ago!" Natasha sighed shaking her head.

"Here we go," Agent 1 groaned.

"I can't believe this again," Stev wailed, his handkerchief seemed to be even bigger as it appeared out of nowhere and he started dabbing at his eyes with all the drama of a panto dame.

"No…"

"He's Bucky Barnes!" Agent 4 grabbed Bucky's arm as well.

"Oh, that's not Bucky that's…"

"I must demand that you unhand Bergthor right this moment!" Thor boomed, and the four Agents that had been trying to argue with them spun around to watch the God of Thunder descending upon them like an avenging...well god.

"No!" Agent 1 stamped their foot.

"Sorry?" Steve paused in blowing his nose like a foghorn into his hanky to raise his eyebrow at the Agent.

"No no no no no no!" The Agent stamped their foot again. "You aren't doing this, we aren't going to allow you to talk us into circles, this isn't happening!"

"Ok, arrest T…" Bruce started saying.

"Don't say it!" He pointed his finger in Bruce's face.

"Thor's n…"

"I mean it don't say it!"

"Thor's nephew then," Bruce shrugged taking his glasses off and polished them on his shirt. The fact that he used his middle finger to push them back on, carefully aimed at the Agents had the Avengers covering their laughter.

"That is not Thor's nephew!" Agent 1 shook his head.

"I assure you that Bergthor is indeed my nephew, there can be no doubt of that!" Thor boomed coming to stand not to Bucky and crossed his arms scowling.

"I…" Agent 3 and 4 both blinked rapidly, their eyes seemingly glued to Thor's arms.

"Mike, Sally, concentrate!" Agent 1 hissed.

"They are concentrating," Tony snickered.

"On Thor's arms," Clint nodded.

"So what, you are saying that your brother Loki came to earth, Midgard, whatever and got someone pregnant?" Agent 2 asked.

"No, of course not!" Thor boomed with laughter.

"Exactly it is ridiculous!" Agent 1 gestured at Bucky.

"It would be ridiculous," Thor chortled nodding.

"At least one of you have the sense not to carry on with this ridiculousness!" Agent 1 sniffed.

"Loki gave birth to Bergthor!" Thor beamed, clapping Bucky on the shoulder.

"...what?" Agents 1, 2, 3 and 4 all said practically at the same time.

"My brother Loki is indeed blessed, he has born many children," Thor beamed nodding.

"Google it...now!" Agent 1 hissed, and then shoved Agent 3 when he became distracted by Thor's chest.

"Wha…" The Agent nodded blankly pulling out his phone and quickly started typing.

"This is Bucky Barnes," Agent 2 said firmly.

"Bergthor," The Avengers all said.

"Bucky Barnes!"

"Bergthor," They shrugged.

"This is Bucky Barnes, not Loki's son!" Agent 1 hissed.

"Erm...boss," Agent 3 grimaced.

"No!" Agent 1 shook their head.

"Yes, it says that he has given birth to children, including an 8 legged horse called Sleipnir," Agent 3 grimaced.

"This is not his son!"

"Well, I am afraid there can be no doubt of it, I was there when Loki went into labour, it is a little traumatising to watch every time, to be honest, he has to take his female form to do it, and there was only mother and I there to birth the babe. But even though Loki is the god of mischief there is no way that he could have tricked us with the birth of my fine nephew Bergthor here! I have watched him grow into a fine young child!" Thor nodded.

"Child?" Agent 4 asked while watched Thor's biceps like she was going to take an exam on it after this.

"Yes, he is a babe still at the young age of 150," Thor wrapped both arms around Bucky and the Supersoldier found his face squished against Thor's pecs.

"15...0?!"

"Asgardian ageing, you should have seen his face when we told him how young you can be to enlist in the army or join the police, he is practically a few days old to Thor and the other Asgardians. You actually aren't classed as an adult until you turn 300 in Asgardian culture, it is really quite interesting to understand how the consideration of ages works in Asgard, because even though they age a little slower it is not by much but the understanding of the fact that they are going to live much much longer means that the consideration of age is held very differently. Thor and Loki are still considered to by very young men by the standing of Asgard and…" Bruce's lecture was cut off.

"But that's Bucky Barnes," Agent 2 whined.

"No this is Bergthor, you can check the records with the UN that we filed for the asylum of all the peoples brought here from the destroyed Asgard, everyone had to register, Bergthor is on there. Of course, you can arrest him, but you will have to explain to the UN why you have arrested something that they gave asylum to," Bruce shrugged.

"And of course that is not taking into consideration the fact that the person you are trying to arrest is in fact the nephew of the Heir of Asgard, and as Thor has no children of his own, and none of Loki's other children is here right now, Bergthor is in fact Thor's heir. I can not imagine that the Asgardians would be very happy that we have arrested their Price. But then we wouldn't be the ones dealing with rioting Asgardians," Tony held his hands out gracefully.

"But he isn't Bergthor, he is Bucky, and he won't have been registered to the UN," Agent 1 blinked.

"Surely it would be better to check that? Don't want to go making a fool of yourself after all. Here, this is the copy of Bergthor's records and identification here on Earth," Bruce handed over the official looking UN information.

It was clearly official looking enough because Agent 2 hesitated when they looked it over.

"But we know that this is Bucky Barnes," Agent 2 said, but they were sounding a lot less sure.

"But is it worth taking the risk?" Tony smirked.

"I…"

"We will be back!" Agent 1 warned.

"Sure you will Arnie!" Clint waved cheerfully as the Agents stormed across the room.

"It was a pleasure meeting you!" Thor called waving, and Agents 3 and 4 walking into the wall either side of the door.

They managed to hold in their laughter until FRIDAY gave them the all-clear and then they started laughing.

"It is good to have you back!" Tony clapped Bruce on the shoulder.

"It is fun hiding Brother Bucky here in plain sight!" Thor boomed in laughter.

"Can't...breathe!" Bucky thrashed and Thor released him from his chest was an apologetic pat to the shoulder.

"Come on Bergthor, we have an appointment with the lawyers," Tony grinned at Bucky.

"You know being the prince of Asgard sounds fun," Bucky grinned.

"You have not met the other Asgardians," Bruce snorted.

"Hey!" Thor protested after a second.

* * *

A.N Bergthor means Spirit of Thor


	7. Braeden

Chapter seven

"And see this is my great great great great grandfather, he apparently was from a small Irish town from Cork, they were potato farmers and worked the land for generations until eventually, my great, great grandfather decided that he was going to travel to America to try and make a better life for himself, this was due to the fact that he was one of 10, as you can see," Steve pointed, and dutifully all three agents followed his finger to where he was pointing on his family tree that was on an honest to god scroll.

Tony was hiding behind Thor, shaking with laughter considering Steve had been going for half an hour already, lecturing the Agents on his family tree, and none of them could seem to finger out a way to call bullshit and stop him.

Especially when they were confronted with earnest face number 7, the one he used for the school videos.

"I was really lucky that Tony helped introduce me to this, of course, it has been helpful for the time displacement that I have been suffering from, suddenly finding myself 70 years in the future, with everyone that I know and love dead, completely alone, utterly and completely alone, except for my memories,"

"Do you want tea great cousin Steve?" Bucky asked dryly.

"Sometimes I can even imagine I can still hear their voices, they're still with me here, in my heart," Steve sniffed, dabbing his eyes with his handkerchief. "Oh, yes thank you, Braeden, that would be lovely," He added looking at Bucky.

"B...B...Braeden?" Agent A covered her face.

"Yes, it was such a touching reunion, when Steve was doing his family tree which his counsellors advised that he do to help him with the time displacement that he was suffering from…"

"Mental health is important kids!" Steve nodded seriously.

"He found out about his great cousin, Braeden. We managed to help track him down. The reunion was truly beautiful," Clint got a look in his eyes that had the Avengers tensing, already fighting to hold down laughter knowing that whatever he was about to do was going to be good, even Bruce looked up from his book. And then Clint tugged out an Avengers-themed handkerchief that was 3 times the size of Steve's and dabbed at his eyes. "Beautiful!"

"I…" Agent 3 started to say.

"This is him here! See, you can trace him right back to where he links to me, it was so good knowing that I was not alone in this world, and the fact that his great, great, great grandfather married Bucky's great great aunt was just amazing, Buck and I related, having Braeden here, looking at him, it is like having Bucky back," Steve beamed.

"That's because you do have him back," Agent 2 sighed.

"In spirit, yes I do," Steve nodded throwing his arm around Bucky's shoulders. "It is amazing how alike they are,"

"Yes truly amazing how alike they are, almost impossibly amazing," Agent 1 said dryly.

"Here we go," Bruce loaded up his Starkpad and shoved it into Agent 1's hands.

"Wha.." Agent 1 blinked confused.

"Right," Bruce cricked his neck before nodding. "So, DNA and genetics are an exceedingly interesting point of science and it is scientifically proven that strong genetic genes can actually travel through generations of people, each other them looking alike. Such as you can have one brown eyed woman who passes the feature onto her child, and then the next 6 generations marry only blue eyed partners, but all the children are born with brown eyes! I have also found several cases of people finding paintings and portraits of their ancestors that look exactly like them. Now the exact science…."

Forty minutes later the Agents were just staring at Bruce open mouthed as he talked what the other Avengers were fairly sure was absolute crap, except Tony who KNEW it was absolute crap, all of the Agents were looking more bored than a bunch of 13 year olds in high school.

The Avengers had wandered off to do different things around the room while Bruce was in lecture mode. Natasha was sitting with her feet pressed against Clint's back where he was hanging upside down from the breakfast bar painting her toenails, Thor was scowling at a book of human customs and rules that he had to know for his people to be allowed to stay and Loki refused to learn it for him.

Tony had several holo screens in front of him that Bucky kept occasionally poking at curiously, only to get his hand slapped away making him pout, especially as the genius didn't even look away from his work.

Steve was the only one that appeared to be paying attention and was standing close by clutching his family tree with an earnest expression on his face saying that he was waiting to get the Agents attention back so that he could carry on, and it was clear by the Agents expressions they weren't sure which one was worse, Bruce or another hour of Steve. It was only the Avengers that knew Steve well that knew that he was taking a standing nap with his eyes open.

Science did that to him.

A lot.

Bruce and Tony may or may not have had a bet about fast they could put Steve to sleep with science talk.

Maybe Bucky had gotten in on the bet.

Tony smacked Bucky's hand away when he went to give him a wet willy.

"All your Steve," Bruce patted Steve on the shoulder to wake him up.

"America's ass, huh, oh me! My turn again!" Steve bounced forward dropping his family tree on to the table with a pointed bang.

"No...no...we just want to take Bucky Barnes, we were told we had to come here and try, I was given this assignment because I was on the debate team at school," Agent 3 sniffed.

"Bucky Barnes? There is no Bucky Barnes here," The Avengers all chirped, Clint grunting when Natasha's foot slipped from his chest and hit him in the face.

"He's right there," All three Agents weakly pointed across the room to where Tony and Bucky were now thumb wrestling.

"That's not Bucky, that's Braeden!" They chirped brightly….

"Yeah boss, no he wasn't here, no they didn't play us with the identity thing he just wasn't here," Agent 2 said on the phone a minute later as they walked out the Compound.

"But I didn't finish!" Steve called imploringly after them, luckily they didn't turn around to see the shit eating grin on Captain America's face. Their little hearts would have been broken.

"Argh damn it! Come and take him, he's right here!" Tony shouted after the closed door wiggling his finger in his ear to try and get rid of Bucky's saliva from it.


	8. Brunnhilde

Chapter Eight

"Arnie!" Clint called cheerfully, waving enthusiastically at the Agent from where he was perched in the vent.

"What?" The Agent frowned at him.

"Arnie, Arnold? Arnold Schwarzenegger? I'll be back? Remember, don't tell me you have forgotten the sweet, close moment that we shared already!" Clint pouted.

"I think that he has Clint. He must have many, many loud-mouthed arches in his life that like to hang out in vents and on tall things," Tony shrugged.

"We're not here for this, we're not here to play games and we won't accept it. We checked with the UN and that is not Bergthor!" Arnie pointed to Bucky, who blinked and then carried on stirring his tea.

"Of course she isn't Bergthor," Natasha snorted, looking up from painting Steve's fingernails in a light pink colour, an incredulous look on her face.

"We know that you know that! But we had to go all the way to the UN to check with those phoney ID papers that you gave us!" Agent 2 snapped.

"I can't remember giving them ID papers, can you?" Bruce frowned.

"Your prints are all over them!" Agent 3 said triumphantly, though they were looking around the room to try and spot Thor.

"Ah I see," Bruce nodded looking shameful.

"Exactly," Agent 2 nodded crossing his arms disdainfully.

"Government coverup, blame it on the big green guy who gets angry," Bruce reached into Steve's pocket and tugged out his hanky.

"Racists!" Clint hissed dropping from the vent to pat Bruce on the shoulder.

"I really can't believe it!" Tony shook his head disgusted, while Steve put his hands on his hips, proudly displaying his newly pink nails.

"It is always me that they blame, I am the easy target," Bruce sobbed.

"Well, you are a large target, I mean it is true," Tony shrugged when Bruce pouted at him.

"What that's…" Agent 3 looked slightly panicked.

"Can you even be racist against someone that is green?" Agent 2 asked incredulously and then froze when all the Avengers turned to look at her.

"So…" Steve drawled.

"You admit it then?" Tony nodded crossing his arms.

"It is in fact," Clint huffed.

"Racism," Natasha shook her head as she wrapped her arms around Bruce.

"I never thought that I would live to see the day," Sam shook his head.

"Just because he is green doesn't mean that he doesn't have feelings!" Thor scowled.

"There there, you ignore them Jolly Green Giant!" Tony shook his head pat.

"He just...we...it...we aren't...We're here to arrest Bucky Barnes! We know that he isn't Bergthor, you can use that one, we are taking him now!" Arnie scrambled to gain control of the situation.

"Of course she isn't Bergthor silly!" Sam laughed.

"Exactly he...wait she…" The agents looked at them with dawning horror, realising what was coming.

"Yes, this isn't Bucky Barnes or this Bergthor you keep going on about. This is Brunnhilde!" Natasha nodded.

"Not sure why they keep going on about this Bergthor, never heard of him," Tony muttered, grinning when Agent 2's eye started twitching.

"A lot of children were named Bergthor, don't think that there are any in our surviving people," Loki said as he glided into the room. "Stupid name if you ask me,"

"Now brother, it is a fine name," Thor beamed.

"You would say that, it strokes your ego," Loki snorted.

"Many a fine child was called Begthor over the years!" Thor nodded. "I do not know why you keep bringing it up though, I believe Loki is right, none of those with us are called Bergthor," Thor looked at the Agents concerned.

"You told us that he was Bergthor!" Agent 4 shouted.

"Why would they tell you that my daughter was male and imply that I had given my child such a ridiculous name?" Loki frowned.

"That is what they told us and...wait...daughter?" Agent 1 sighed.

"Yes, my fine daughter Brunnhilde," Loki nodded.

"You're really going with daughter?" Arnie huffed.

"That is what she is so I can name her nothing else," Loki looked baffled.

"He's clearly male!" Agent 4 waved her hands up and down Bucky.

"Are you presuming my gender and telling me that I am not female enough?" Bucky scowled at them.

"I…"

"I find this insistence upon what women should look like, dress like and act like incredibly disturbing, I had hoped that the sexism that we had to put up with in my time would be done when I woke up here, but it seems to be just as bad in many ways with depressing little improvement," Steve sighed shaking his head.

"It is ridiculous isn't it," Sam nodded.

"I mean that reporter the other week that asked what type of underwear Nat wears under her suit, he wouldn't have asked any of us that and we wear equally tight suits," Steve frowned. "I find it highly inappropriate coming from those that represent this fine country,"

"We're saying it because he is clearly male, and clearly Bucky Fucking Barnes!" Arnie spat. He was an alarming shade of red.

"I thought Barnes' middle name was James?" Tony frowned.

"No no that was his first name James Buchanan Barnes," Steve shook his head.

"That's it!" Tony nodded.

"He's Bucky Barnes!" Agent 2 shouted over them.

"No, she is my daughter," Thor shook his head.

"Ha! You're getting your stories mixed up now! I knew it was going to happen! You said he was Loki's daughter!" Agent 3 cried triumphantly. Though he did deflate a little when none of the Avengers looked worried.

"Yes, she is my daughter," Loki nodded.

"And mine," Thor shrugged.

"What, he can't be both your daughter...son...daughter...I mean…"

"Well you see, when a man loves a man very much, they lay together and decide that they want a child, so one man turns himself into a woman and…"

"No no no no no! You're brothers!" Agent 4 shook her head.

"Adopted," Thor and Loki said together, and Thor wrapped his arm around Loki's shoulders.

"No! He is Bucky Barnes," Arnie stormed forward towards Bucky, but yelped and dodged out the way of the lightning that nearly hit him.

"You dare presume that you can touch our daughter?" Loki said dangerously, glowing with magic, Thor was crackling with lightning behind him.

"He's not your daughter!" Agent 2 argued.

"She." The Avengers corrected.

"He is Bucky Barnes!"

"She is Brunnhilde," The Avengers sighed.

"He!"

"She!" The Avengers frowned.

"Would you like to see my papers? You can check them out with the UN," Bucky asked sweetly.

"No, we do not! We won't make a fool of ourselves again!" Arnie spluttered.

"You're pretty much doing that now," Clint snorted.

"Come Brunnhilde, let us leave your father to finish arguing with these moronic, jabbering humans, you have your embroidery lesson," Loki waved to Bucky.

"Oh, I am embroidering another handkerchief!" Bucky said brightly trailing after Loki.

"He isn't leaving!" Agent 2 snapped reaching out for Bucky.

"If you call my daughter a he one more time I with fry your brainless empty skull so hard that your great grandchildren will feel it. And please do try and stop us!" Loki glowed brightly with his magic again.

"Go...go grab him," Arnie gulped trying to shove Agent 3 forward.

"You're in charge, you do it!" Agent 3 hissed.

"You do it," Agent 2 shoved Agent 4 forward.

"I am definitely not, I don't get paid enough! You do it!" Agent 4 snorted.

"We...we will be back!" Arnie stammered and then pointed at Clint as he opened his mouth. "Shut up!"

"Well that isn't very nice," Clint huffed.

"Hardly appropriate behaviour in front of a young woman," Loki tutted ushering Bucky out the room.

"We won't be coming back," Agent 3 and 4 said cheerfully waving.

"This isn't worth the money!" Agent 3 added.

"Best of luck in the world to you both," Thor smiled brightly at them. And Agent 3 fell over the coffee table while Agent 4 tripped over the rug. Agents Arnie and 2 were already storming out the door.


	9. Bertrand

Chapter nine

"We should be proud brothers and sister! Our enemy fears us so they argue over who will have to be the first to attack!" Thor rumbled proudly, crossing his arms and eyeing their enemy as they stood in a huddled group opposite them, clearly trying to work out a plan of attack.

The Avengers had fallen into easy battle position, standing in a line that they would not allow to be broken, evenly spaced apart, standing ready and proud, unmoving and unbendable.

They were the Avengers, no matter what was thrown at them they would stand ready, they would stand together and they would be unbroken no matter what descended on them. They make tremble under the pressure, they may buckle under the force. Their enemy might be lucky enough to get them down to one knee.

But they would always stand again, they would always get back up, ready and willing to do whatever it took, ready to make it to the end of the line.

"Go and talk to them! Thor is wearing Hello Kitty pyjamas for the love of god! And Black Widow is in a panda onesie!" Agent 2 hissed shoving Agent 1 forward.

"Does this mean that they don't like my pyjamas?" Tony pouted looking down at himself.

"I don't like your pyjamas if we are taking votes," Steve huffed looking with distaste at the chibi Captain Americas in cute positions all over Tony's pyjama pants, and the pin-up version of himself on his top.

"We aren't," Tony shrugged.

"I like them!" Bucky called from the room behind them where he was sitting with Loki and Pepper, he and Loki were embroidering several handkerchiefs while Pepper watched curiously.

"Of course you would!" Steve huffed, turning to face the plate glass windows that surrounded the Compound when Agent 4 seemed to lose the intense battle of rock, paper, scissors and had to approach the windows first.

"We have a warrant for the arrest of Bucky Barnes here, I am sorry but you're going to have to let us in!" Agent 4 said shakily as the other Agents shuffled closer.

"Sorry?" Clint asked pointedly loudly, motioning to his hearing aids.

"We need you to…"

"Sorry what?" Thor tilted his head.

"We need you to…"

"Pardon?" Bruce smiled pleasantly.

"You have to let us…"

"We what sorry?" Tony shook his head.

"Warrant! He...we have one! You have to…"

"Sorry son, can't hear you!" Steve smiled brightly.

"YOU NEED TO LET US IN!"

"Win? What do we need to win?" Natasha frowned confused.

"No! You need to let us in!" Agent 3 huffed joining the other Agent.

"Din, well I suppose you are making a din," Thor nodded.

"Warrant! We have one!" Agent 3 motioned to the warrant in Agent 4's hand.

"Gone? Who is gone?" Sam asked as he wandered into the room and over to them.

"LET. US. IN!"

"Let you in?" Tony asked.

"Yes!" The poor agents actually looked relieved.

"Oh, no we can't do that," Steve shook his head.

"What...why?!" Agent 1 frowned.

"We are in lockdown! Quarantine! See we were in a fight alongside the Xmen, lovely people, and it was a seriously close hand to hand battle, and then Deadpool showed up, now it turns out he had Covid 19, though he heals from it quickly, but we seem to have it," Steve paused when Clint sneezed loudly and produced a handkerchief with arc reactor patterns stitched around the edges. "So, to be responsible, we are in lockdown,"

"You're joking!" Agent 2 looked at them incredulously.

"Poking?!" Bruce looked around alarmed. "I don't do too well with being poked! It tends to make me angry,"

"Unless it is Tony poking you with hot tools," Steve snorted.

"You're lying!" Agent 1 called through the window.

"Dying! No, he just pokes him lightly," Clint laughed waving them off.

"Let us in!" Agent 4 demanded.

"We can't do that, we have to be responsible, it is not just in fighting that you can save lives, by realising that you might be endangering other people by going out and risking infecting them and choosing to stay inside. Even if we are superheroes!" Sam said deeply.

"Maybe if you tell us why you're here?" Natasha shrugged.

"We're here to arrest him!" Agent 2 pointed right at Bucky, who lazily drew his needle through his cotton handkerchief while staring right at them.

"Brian!" Tony gasped shocked.

"No! Not Brian!" The four Agents shouted.

"You're here for Bart?" Clint frowned, squinting as though he were lip-reading.

"No! B…"

"Bart?"

"No! B…"

"Barney?"

"Brutus?"

"Brandon? Brad? Beau?"

"No! Bu…"

"Blaze? Brett? Brendan?"

"No! Stop being ridiculous and let us in!" Agent 1 shouted.

"We can't do that we have…"

"Covid 19," The Agents said together annoyed, watching as Clint produced two massive handkerchiefs and passed them to Nat and Bruce who pretended to sneeze into them.

"New York, L.A, D.C, England, Scotland, Germany, France…"

"What?" Agent 2 frowned.

"Didn't you ask where we have been?" Steve asked confused stopping his list.

"We...no...it...no1! Open the damn door!" Agent 4 shouted.

"Who are you calling a whore?!" Sam gasped yanking Steve into a hug.

"You can't call Captain America a Whore!" Natasha shook her head in disgust.

"It's like...spitting on the flag!" Clint nodded, passing Steve a hanky.

"Plus we don't accept slut shaming here!" Bruce said firmly patting Steve on the shoulder. "We're friends with Tony after all," He added with a smirk.

"Et Tu Bruice!" Tony staggered back gripping his chest like he had been stabbed while Bruce cackled happily at his own joke.

"We want Bucky Barnes!" Agent 4 pointed angrily in Bucky's direction before grimacing when he jabbed his finger too enthusiastically and banged his finger off the window.

"I don't know if Bernie darnes yet no," Thor frowned over his shoulder.

"We know who he is! You aren't going to get away with this!" Agent 3 shouted angrily looking like they were about five seconds away from going absolutely nuts.

"Kiss? Who do you want to kiss?" Tony frowned. "Thor? That is understandable, most people want to kiss Thor, you are forward though, Arnie's agents could barely pluck up the courage to speak to him!"

"No!" Agent 3 spluttered.

"Steve then? You're patriotic?" Clint smirked wiggling his eyebrows.

"No! I…"

"It is me! Well, you do have good taste, and I am very flattered, I would have to say…" Tony grimaced when what seemed to be a thimble pinged stingingly off the back of his head. "...no because I am in a very loving, monogamous relationship with a beautiful brilliant woman, who would use my innards to decorate her office if I cheated on her,"

"We want Bucky Barnes!" Agent 1 screamed banging on the window.

"Who farms?" Wade Wilson yawned as he walked into the room wearing only a pair of Wolverine boxers. The Agents at the window all took a step back automatically at the sight of the scarred, pocked and lumpy skin of the antihero.

"I thought that they were asking for naans, have they heard about Bruce's curry? It is rather good," Peter said walking in not long behind, wearing Iron Man pyjamas and his Spider-Man mask.

"I thought that…"

"That is Bucky Barnes! We have a warrant for his arrest, you open this door and you let us in!" Agent 2 shouted so loudly and clearly that they would have heard it in the X-Men mansion.

"We can't let you in, we're self-isolating!" Sam said before coughing into his elbow, graciously taking the hanky Clint passed to him, a giant Captain America one that he coughed into and then loudly, and pointedly blew his nose on.

"Besides, that isn't Bucky Barnes," Peter said, and they all knew he was smirking behind the mask.

"Don't! Don't you dare! No…"

"This is Bertrand, he is my alternate identity from a parallel universe that fell here when I sneezed and farted at the same time while a sorcerer I was fighting was doing a spell and distracted them, the spell went to hit Domino but her freaky good luck powers deflected it off of a handily falling mirror and hit me, it opened a giant portal that sucked all the life from me to open itself but because I can't die I came back in time to see Bertrand stepping out from the portal. He's what I would look like if this hadn't happened, I think you can still see the handsome similarities," Wade grinned pressing his face next to Bucky's.

"I definitely can,"

"They're clearly the same man,"

"The similarity is unmissable,"

"Eerie really," Pepper, Steve, Sam and Clint said.

"I…"

They all watched amused as the Agents didn't even say anything to them. Just snapped their mouths shut, turned and stormed back to their cars. They were donutting in the car park and speeding out the Compound so fast that seemed as though they had powers of their own.

"Was it something I said?" Wade grinned.

"No, but if you don't get your hands of my protege's ass in the next .01 seconds I am going to do everything that I can to make sure that you don't come back!" Tony growled racing at Wade who screamed loudly and raced from the room, Tony threatening him viciously, close behind.

"Done!" Bucky beamed proudly holding up his work.

"Let me see!" Steve said brightly running over.

Bucky grinned as he turned the handkerchief around for Steve to see. It was decorated with a border of Captain America shields, and stitched across the centre in beautiful, neat cursive writing were the words 'Dumb Punk'.

"For you," Bucky fluttered his eyelashes holding it out to Steve.

"You really shouldn't have," Steve said dryly snatching the hanky from his best friend.


	10. Braydon

Chapter Ten

Bucky huffed out a frustrated breath as he watched the Agents walking towards him through the crowd. He was out with Tony, Clint and Nat doing a birthday shop for Steve, determined to buy clothes for the big lug that didn't look like clothing 90-year-olds still wore.

It wasn't like at the gala, he didn't panic or worry, he was doing so much better than he had been, it had been three months since that night - he had a feeling that Tony was delaying his lawyers in sorting out Bucky's legal status purely to carry on having fun with the Agents that were sent for him - instead he just felt frustrated. He just wanted to do some damn shopping!

"Bucky Barnes you are under arr…"

"I am afraid that I am going to have to stop you there before you blow months of hard work and undercover man-hours," A man swept out of the crowd like a ghost, startling all of them. None of them had even seen him.

He was plain-looking, brown hair, brown eyes, medium build, not particularly muscled, a nice black suit that 100 businessmen in the area were wearing as well. You could have looked him over 20 times and there would have been nothing threatening about him. Until he let you see it.

"Who the hell are you?" Agent 1 spluttered.

"Director Coulson, Shield, and I am afraid that you are about to try and arrest one of my operatives," Coulson, Phil Coulson Bucky recognised the name, said smoothly, flashing his ID.

"Pardon?" Agent 2 frowned.

"You are about to arrest an operative that I have had in place for years, ruining all his hard work. This is Agent Fitz," Coulson said seriously stepping partially in front of Bucky.

"That's Bucky Barnes!" Agent 3 hissed angrily, as Agent 4 tried sneaking around them. Before Bucky could react Coulson fired something at the Agent that had him freezing in place, seemingly unable to move.

"That's not Bucky Barnes, that is Agent Braydon Fitz! He has been undercover using Shield Photostatic Veil technology to disguise himself as Bucky Barnes to infiltrate the Avengers," Phil said lowly, looking around as though paranoid.

"Photos…"

"You're kidding," Agent 3 rubbed the bridge of their nose.

"I am certainly not, we have suspicions that the Avengers might not be on the up and up, and so we have planted in their midst someone that they will trust, implicitly, to gather information on them and ensure that they are not up to the things that we think they are!" Coulson crossed his arms.

"The only Fitz that we can find is Leopold Fitz," Agent 2 sighed looking up from her phone. Out the corner of his eye, Bucky caught a burst of movement as a curly-haired little guy started storming towards them before a huge guy stepped out of nowhere, capturing him around the waist and walking off with him.

"He prefers Leo," Coulson smiled blankly, reaching up to rub his ear a little where Bucky could now see an earbud.

"Well, he is the only Fitz!" Agent 1 snapped.

"We wiped all record of Braydon Fitz from the records, we were sending him in, deep cover to infiltrate the Avengers, who contain Tony Stark, Clint Barton and Natasha Romanoff, do you think that we would be stupid enough to leave even a trace, a hint, a speck of information about Braydon here in the records? Especially when his brother is a Shield agent?!" Coulson barked in full director mode, poking Agent 1 in the chest with a robotic hand.

"I…"

"No! We're not that stupid, we apparently know how to run a covert mission where you do not, I don't know how your agencies work, but I was taught that you don't leave an Agent hanging, if they are brave enough to take on an undercover mission, especially one so dangerous, you do everything that you can to cover their backs and their loved ones! Braydon here is a hero!" Coulson patted Bucky's shoulder.

"And what exactly do you suspect the Avengers of?" Agent 3 sighed. All of them were ignoring Agent 4 who was making muffled noises as he clearly tried to move but was still as a statue.

"We think…" Coulson looked around dramatically before stepping closer to them, "...that Captain American is secretly Hydra,"

Bucky tensed every single muscle in his body, going as still and solid as Agent 4 as he tried hard not to laugh at the declaration that the man had made so seriously. The expressions of disbelief and shock on the faces of the Agents made him want to laugh even harder.

"Captain America…" Agent 1 said.

"Hydra?!" Agent 2 snorted.

"Really? That is what you are going with?" Agent 3 sighed.

"During the Shield data dump we found troubling information and recordings from within Shield about the Winter Soldier, the evidence that we retrieved was that the Winter Soldier was an alias for the man known as Captain Hydra, not the weapon of Hydra that the Winter Soldier has been recorded as being, but instead someone high, and important within Hyrda who has been killing and controlling his way through the world. And who better than Captain America who the world thought was dead? And then when the time was right they allowed for Captain Hydra to be 'found' buried in the ice, apparently magically not found for decades by satellites or any of the hundreds of excursions that Howard Stark made around the area to find Steve Rogers. He was planted there to be found by Shield so that he could be in place and ready for when Hydra revealed themselves, who else would be able to just walk right into the centre of Shield without question except for Captain America? Even Tony Stark could not do that, after all, Captain America is the icon of good, right?" Coulson held his hands out in a 'there you go' motion while the Agents and Bucky stared at him stunned.

"That...you...that actually...makes sense?" Agent 3 grimaced turning to Agent 1 and 2.

"But...he stopped Hydra...project insight,"

"Yes, certain operatives were meant to be dead at the time of Project Insight, operatives that you do not have the clearance level to know the names of, but needless to say they changed everything about the plan when it was revealed that they were still alive. To save Hydra Captain Hydra had to change his plans, and take a different direction, he needed to ensure that he was still in place within the Avengers. And that was when we decided that we would plant someone within the Avengers ourselves to watch them, but it had to be someone that Captain Hydra would take in and accept without thought, and there was only two weak spots that we could find for Steve Rogers, Peggy Carter and Bucky Barnes. As Peggy Carter is still alive we could not use her without having to come up with some time travel theory that would be easily disproved by Tony Stark. So instead we used Bucky Barnes ID and created a story about him being in cryo the whole time after being found by Shield instead of Hydra and hoped to be of use. Braydon here learned everything that he could about Bucky Barnes and went in under cover. While there he has discovered that Captain Hydra's new plan is to convert the Avengers to his side. So we need Braydon in there, watching and listening,"

"But…"

"If you arrest him now you are going to reveal everything and we won't have ears and eyes in that Compound, the entire worlds fate will be in your hands and all the blood of the people that Captain Hydra and his Avenger soldier will kill, do you want that on your hands? Really?!" Coulson barked.

"No...no, sir!" Agent 1 yelped.

"Then I suggest you get clear of here before the other Avengers show up and you blow everything!" Couslon crossed his arms and stepped back.

"I...right...yes!" Agent 2 nodded as Agent 3 threw Agent 4 over their shoulder and raced off.

"That was...impressive," Bucky whistled lowly as soon as they were out of earshot.

"Sergeant Barnes," Coulson turned to properly look at him for the first time, and Bucky was worried that he was about to get another deep, meaningful conversation/speech about how he was the longest POW and thank you for the service to your country and what you have been through, nothing was your fault...yada yada yada... "Oh my god! I am such a big fan of yours and Captain Americas! I loved the stories of the Howling Commandos when I was growing up, and you and Cap were my heroes, oh my god it is such an honour to meet you! I can't believe that I am actually getting to meet you!"

The serious, scary Director of Shield was gone, in front of him was an enthusiastic, geeky man!

"I have the flying car that you and Cap went to see at the Stark Expo right before you shipped out! I can't believe that I am actually meeting you, this is just amazing!" Coulson enthused as he shook Bucky's hand vigorously.

* * *

Agents 1-3 cringed back from the fury that they were facing, all of them wishing that they were in the position of Agent 4 who was in medical getting checked over to try and work out what Director Coulson had done to them.

Instead, they were here facing their boss' wrath.

"Captain Hydra! Really that is the crap that you fell for?! Captain America!"

"It was a convincing argument," Agent 2 muttered before grimacing and scrunching down into their seat at the look that they received.

"The FBI fell for him being Romanoff's ballet sister," Agent 1 muttered.

"Captain Hydra in the way Director Coulson painted it seemed way more believable," Agent 3 agreed.

"Are Shield even a genuine agency anymore!?" Their boss huffed through her hands into the air.

"I don't think anyone knows that answer to be fair," Agent 2 shrugged.

"So you expect me to go back to my boss and tell him that we don't have Bucky Barnes even though he was completely by himself aside from Director Coulson because you bought that he was an undercover agent to infiltrate the Avengers because Captain America is actually Captain Hydra?!" The Boss demanded.

"...yes?" The three Agents grimaced.

"I will just do what the CIA did and say he wasn't there!" Their Boss huffed storming out of the office.

* * *

Bucky was rescued from Coulson's enthusiastic fanboying when Tony, Clint and Nat finally reached him, their expressions showing that they had heard everything.

"So….." Nat and Clint threw their arms over Coulson's shoulders. "You're alive,"

"You've known for ages," Coulson snorted.

"Course we have, though I have to ask what the hell is that piece of crap attached to your wrist?!" Tony huffed scratching up Coulson's hand, pulling tools from nowhere and started taking it apart.

"Good to see you too Stark," Coulson snorted.

"If you lost your hand why the hell didn't you come to me to design this for you honestly. I can make this faster, more nimble, Buckster and I have worked out how to get the nerve endings in the flesh part of the body to link with and register sensors in the prosthetic limb,"

"You did you mean," Bucky said amused.

"Oh, I could put lasers in it! Or technology to turn your fingerprints into whoever you want and…"

"Wait, what about Steve's birthday presents?" Bucky asked when they started making their way towards the car.

"We have another two days!" Tony waved him off.

"No, we don't it is tomorrow!" Bucky frowned.

"No, his birthday is the 4th of July," Coulson said quickly. With the tone of someone quoting a fact that they had learned by heart.

"No it is the 3rd of July," Bucky frowned.

"Please tell me Bucky bear that you are not joking!" Clint squashed Bucky's cheeks between his hands.

"Nobe, hib birdday ib 3rb," Bucky managed to say.

Nat and Coulson sighed as Tony and Clint took off racing back to the car, cackling with laughter as they raced each other.

"Poor Steve," Nat sighed.

"Did you know?" Coulson frowned.

"Nope, but he isn't going to live this down," Nat laughed.

"Wait, what is going on? Why would he say his birthday was on the 4th of Jul...oh!" Bucky paused before snorting and jogging after Tony and Clint.

"Wait, Sergeant Barnes! I didn't get your autograph on my Howling Commando vintage cards!" Coulson yelled.

"Better come back with me then," Nat gripped his arm in a terrifying tight grip. "Bring your kids as well," She nodded to the Shield Agents who didn't look sure as to whether their Director was being kidnapped or not.


	11. Bot

Chapter eleven

A.N Thank you to Athena Marshel for giving me the idea for Bucky's alias for this chapter

* * *

"And so Bucky Barnes you are under arrest for the stated crimes against multiple countries. Anything you say can and will be used against you and…"

"I am afraid that you can not remove him from the building or I will sue you for stealing intellectual property," Bruce said as he wandered past his nose buried in his Stark Pad.

"Intellec...what?" Agent A frowned.

"Haven't you been here before?" Tony asked as he walked past with a massive armful of clothes and dumped them onto the table in front of Clint and Wade.

"I have, for Billy," Agent 4 waved.

"Oh, shame Billy isn't here, I am sure he would have wanted to say hello," Steve nodded as he stuck his tongue between his teeth and concentrated on his painting.

"Real shame," Agent 1 narrowed their eyes.

"What is a shame?" Thor boomed bouncing into the room, he had been in a state of excitement for days now, and the Agents stared open-mouthed at him as he walked back, his unusual clothing catching their attention.

"That Billy isn't here," Tony said throwing a piece of clothing to Thor. "Cover up your butt a little,"

"Billy...Billy...Billy…" Thor tapped his chin.

"Wilson, my twin brother," Sam said walking into the room and dropping down in front of Steve so he could carry on his painting.

"Oh yes!" Thor nodded.

"Look, we're here to take Bucky Barnes, we don't want any stupidity…"

"Rude," Tony pouted.

"...and these lies…"

"How dare you!" Clint mock gasped while fighting Wade for a leotard.

"...so we're just going to take him, and there is nothing that you can do to stop us," Agent 2 said primly.

"I already told you, if you take him I will sue you for theft of intellectual property," Bruce said pleasantly, still not looking up from his Starkpad.

"How can you be charged with intellectual theft of a person?!" Agent 3 snapped.

"You can't, wow you're supposed to be important federal agents in this country," Tony tutted shaking his head.

"Then how can you sue us for arresting Bucky Barnes?" Agent 4 narrowed their eyes.

"Well, you could arrest him, but you would look pretty stupid," Natasha said as she tugged the flower crown in her hands over his head.

"Stupid?" The Agents sighed.

"When you arrest a robot," Bruce nodded.

"A robot?" The Agents huffed.

"Have you not seen the arm?" Tony snorted.

The Agents turned to look at Bucky, who had conveniently turned so that his metal arm was on show.

"A Robot," They repeated.

"Yes, we created him as an emotional support for Steve, to help him deal with the time displacement, the therapists thought that it would help, I mean we had to give it a go, you know, and it isn't as though there are other cases of this where they had worked out what could help, so we gave it a go and created a robot," Bruce nodded.

"You created a robot? Just to see if it helped?" Agency 4 frowned.

"FRIDAY?" Tony called pointedly.

"Yes, Boss?"

"What time is the car arriving for us?"

"The car will arrive to take you to the Parade in twenty minutes Boss," FRIDAY chirped.

"Yes, we created a robot to see if it worked," Bruce snorted.

"A robot," They sighed.

"A robot, he has been a big help," Steve nodded sadly. He sighed and looked down at the floor before turning back to Sam, mainly so that he could hide his grin.

"A robot, a robot, seriously?"

"We are looking to create a line when we finally perfect the program," Bruce hummed to himself.

"And they are going into a line of sex robots considering that he also works for that as well," Natasha said walking passed Bucky and smacking him on the ass.

"Have you been sleeping with my emotional support robot?!" Steve gasped as Bucky started going bright red.

"He is incredibly life-like isn't he," Clint grinned poking him in the cheek.

"He is very life-like during sex as well!" Wade chirped.

"Have you been sleeping with my sex robot?!" Natasha gasped.

"Have you been sleeping with my emotional support robot that Natasha has been using as a sex robot?" Steve muttered absently as he concentrated on painting Clint's face.

"I have as well," Sam said keeping himself as still as possible.

"We have too," Pepper said as she placed some bracelets on Tony's wrist.

"And me," Peter waved.

"And me!" Thor giggled.

"What are we talking about?" Loki asked walking in the room.

"Apparently everyone has been using my emotional support robot as a sex robot," Steve answered.

"Oh, I have also been having very enthusiastic sexual relations with him," Loki said absently walking away.

"This is ridiculous," Agent 1 rubbed their forehead as though it hurt.

"You're telling me," Bucky muttered from where he looked as though he was about to melt.

"Isn't he life like," Tony beamed.

"We're very proud," Bruce nodded as he pulled on a matching rainbow coloured tutu to the one that Thor was wearing.

"The car is here," Happy said walking into the room.

"If you will excuse us, we have somewhere to be," Steve said finishing painting rainbows onto Clint's cheeks.

"And we're taking the robot with us, I don't like the way that you're looking at him, I think you have gotten the wrong idea about him!" Tony sniffed putting a flower crown on Bucky.

"You can't just leave, we are here for Bucky Barnes," Agent 3 snapped.

"No Bucky here, just a Bot Bucky, sorry," Wade chirped.

"And we have a previous engagement," Clint beamed.

"Where are you going?!" Agent 4 said a little desperately as they all started filing out.

"We are going to Pride!" Steve said enthusiastically pointing to his rainbow Captain America costume as Bucky waved Bisexual and pride coloured flags behind him.

"Wade! I can see your fucking hand!" Tony snarled.

"What hand?" Wade smirked as Peter yelped and tried to dodge the hand that was practically glued to his ass.

"I swear I am going to kill you dead!" Tony growled.

"Now now dear calm down," Pepper snagged him by the collar and started tugging him out the room.

"Wilson remove your fucking hand!" Tony yelled as he was dragged out of the room.

"Come on snuckums, lets go celebrate pride!" Wade beamed bouncing out the room dragging Peter with him.

"Later, come on sex bot," Natasha snagged Bucky who was now bright bright red as Clint linked him on the other side.

"Pride!" Clint squealed excitedly.

"You…"

"Bye!" The others cheered racing for the car, leaving only a trail of glitter behind them.

"Ah, sex bot? They went for a sex bot!" Agent 1 said incredulously.

"An emotional support sex bot...I am NOT telling the boss," Agent 2 shook her head.

"I say that we stay here till they get back and insist, they can't stick with this one, they're excuses are getting weak, they are clearly running out of ideas," Agent 3 suggested.

"That is a good idea, and they will be tired from the Pride march," Agent 1 nodded.

"I am afraid that I can not allow that, if you do not leave I will have to activate the Pride protocols," FRIDAY said brightly from the ceiling.

"And how bad can that be?!" Agent 4 snorted.

* * *

"What the hell…" The Boss of the FBI stared incredulously at his agents as they tried to sneak into the office and head towards the bathroom. It was a little difficult to do though considering they were covered, literally covered from head to toe, arm to arm, in rainbow glitter.

On the TV the Avengers were waving from their float in the Pride March.


	12. Bucky Barnes

Chapter Twelve

"Boss, erm I am sorry but there is something that I think you need to see," Agent 1 grimaced.

"We are in the middle of an important meeting here!" Boss 1 snapped.

"I know, but this is about that," Agent A winced popping his head over Agent 1's head.

"This is about Barnes?" Boss 2 frowned, the 6 bosses heads snapping up so fast that the Agents winced in pain for them.

"Yes Mame, on TV," Agent 2 pointed to the TV in the corner, a shower of glitter coming off of him.

"TV?" Boss 3 frowned.

"Yes, an interview," Agent B nodded squeezed into the doorway.

"Oh god…" Boss 4 groaned.

"What channel?" Boss 5 sighed.

"Here," Agent 2 picked up the remote and turned the TV onto the right channel. Boss 1 sighing and brushing a small shower of glitter onto the floor from where they had reached for the remote.

Their eyes snapped to the TV where they saw Bucky Barnes, Steve Rogers, Tony Stark and Natasha Romanoff sitting on the sofa in the Avengers Compound. Sitting opposite them was RuPaul in an immaculate three-piece pink suit.

"...you for asking me to do this interview," RuPaul was saying with a pleasant smile.

"We're big fans of Drag Race," Tony grinned.

"Yas Queen!" Clint Barton shouted in the background, his head popping into shot before three pairs of hands reached out and grabbed him, dragging him back out of shot.

"Big fans," Tony grinned.

"Aww well thank you very much for that, I would mind spending some time after this interview talking to you, and I am sure Michelle, Ross and Carson would like longer with Thor," RuPaul chuckled.

"I think we're going to have to pull Miss Vanjie and Deadpool apart with a crowbar," Steve snorted.

"So, we are here to talk about this lovely gentleman here," RuPaul motioned to Bucky Barnes, and all five Bosses narrowed their eyes, as in the background their Agents scuffled to safety while they were distracted.

"Yes we are, we know that Winter Soldier here has been spotted out of his uniform and that there have been questions raised as to who he is, people have been adding the dots together, and there have been certain agencies that have tried to arrest him," Tony said seriously.

"We have decided to head off any accusations and make an announcement of our own," Steve nodded.

"This seems like an important moment for you all, so who is the Winter Soldier?" RuPaul asked gently.

"My name is James…"

"No!" Boss 1 stood up eagerly.

"Buchanan…"

"Yes! Prepare the arrest warrant now!" Boss 3 shouted.

"Barnes…"

"Oh yes, they have done it now! They think that they're clever, they aren't going to be able to hide him away now!" Boss 5 laughed.

"The Third," Bucky said seriously on the TV.

"Mother Fu…." The Agents outside the office grimaced at the sound of swearing and shouting coming from the office.

"They can't seriously do this!" Boss 2 threw their pad at the TV.

"...met my grandmother when he was in the army, she was a nurse there and they fell in love. She found out that she was pregnant right before he fell from the train," Bucky Barnes was saying online.

"No!" Boss 4 roared.

"My Grandmother decided to call my Father James Buchanan Barnes the second in memory of him, and my father and mother carried on the tradition with me," Bucky Barnes smiled.

"That is truly lovely, remembering where we come from and respecting it is important for all of us, and your Grandfather was a true hero," RuPaul smiled warmly onscreen.

"It's a lie!" Boss 3 shouted furiously.

"It was because of him that I joined the army, and while I was there I was captured by HYDRA and tested on, I lost my arm in the capture and they tested the Super Soldier serum on me. It is different to the one that is in Steve, but it worked. When Hydra fell, Steve and Tony found out about me, and the fact that I was Bucky Barnes' Grandson,"

"Realising that Bucky had a son, and a grandson was amazing, it was something that I could hold onto and really helped me in this time, along with meeting Tony," Captain America turned big blue eyes to the screen looking as much like a puppy as possible. "It was so hard, waking up in the future and seeing that everything had changed, that everyone I loved and cared about were either dead or extremely old,"

"Here," Tony gripped his arm and passed over something that was decorated with the Avengers logo and the personal superhero logos.

"Is that a blanket?" RuPaul frowned as Steve dabbed his eyes on it.

"No, it's a hanky," Tony shrugged.

"We have taken up embroidery," Natasha sighed.

"Sewing is important," RuPaul nodded.

"I would kill the Drag on a Dime RuPaul, I make my own suit all the time!" Deadpool stepped into view shouting excitedly seconds before Spiderman tackled him out of shot.

"Right…" RuPaul blinked.

"Its a hobby, it came in handier than we expected when Falcon ended up with a massive rip in the crotch of his uniform when he dodged a blade being thrown at him by a ninja, we were able to sew it up and carry on the fight with him risking being arrested for flying around with his bits and bobs hanging out," Bucky grinned.

"Hey! I can't believe that you said that you…" The Falcon glowed green and floated back out of shot, Loki's head popping around the corner and nodded to them before disappearing again.

"So, you found James here?" RuPaul asked.

"Yes, and we brought him back to look after him. We designed the arm together and fitted it so that he would not have the reminder of what Hydra had done to him permanently attached to him," Tony nodded seriously.

"It's a lie! It's a FRICKIN lie!" Boss 1 threw his mug at the wall.

"We have all the proof of Bucky's genealogy here, birth certificates, family photos, school reports everything, it has been added to the Captain America Smithsonian museum exhibit and thousands of people have already seen this, seen the next part in the story of James Buchanan Barnes and Howling Commandos," Tony Stark was beaming on screen.

He knew they were watching, and he knew that he had just told him that there were already thousands of people that had bought into this sob story about Bucky Barnes' descendant.

"No! No no no no no no no no no!" Boss 3 had pulled up the information on James Buchanan Barnes the second and it was already looking pretty solid.

"It is a really amazing story, especially finding each other all these years later," RuPaul said gently.

"It really is, Steve has been a really big support and help for me, along with all of the Avengers after everything that happened. Tony opened up his home to give me somewhere to heal. They have all been amazing, and now I am an official part of Avengers I can give back to the world what they have given to me," Bucky smiled charmingly.

"Damn it! Damn it! DAMN IT!" Boss 1 cursed slamming his hands onto the table.

"They can't do this!" Boss 2 whined.

"Well, we all look forward to seeing what you do in the future, and what the Avengers will be with you as a part of them," RuPaul smiled winningly, clearly closing the interview.

"We will definitely be better with Bucky Barnes the Third as part of us," Steve beamed wrapping his arm around Bucky's shoulder.

"Bucky Barnes the Third will definitely add an important part to the Avengers that we didn't know we were missing," Tony nodded squeezing Bucky's shoulder.

"Bucky Barnes the Third is also super hot!" Wade shouted crawling into view with Spiderman sitting on his back trying to stop him.

"That is true, Bucky Barnes the Third has an amazing ass," Natasha shrugged.

"Deadpool where is your other hand!?" Tony shouted jumping to his feet and hurrying over, Deadpool yelped, threw Spiderman over his shoulder and raced out of view.

"Does that have anything to do with the kiss between Deadpool and Spiderman at the Pride march last week?" RuPaul asked curiously as shouts, bangs and the sound of repulsor blasts reached them. Ross and Carson ran passed the doorway being hurried along by Thor, Miss Vanjie strolled passed arm in arm with Loki.

"It has, and way before that," Natasha rubbed her face before standing and stomping over. "Do not make me shoot you all!"

"Well, thank you very much for attending," Steve smiled brightly at RuPaul.

Thor hurried passed and then back again with a cackling Michelle Visage being carried in a princess hold in his arms.

"No, thank you," He answered absently.

"And we would like to official welcome James Buchanan Barnes the Third onto the Avengers," Steve beamed waving at the camera before the screen went black.

"James...Buchanan...Barnes...the third," Boss five groaned dropping his head down onto the table.

"I am getting the vodka," Boss 4 sighed.

"That is my desk!" Boss 1 scowled.

"Oh come on it isn't like we don't keep a bottle in the same place," Boss 2 snorted dropping back in their seat.

"Bucky Barnes the Third," Boss 5 huffed.


End file.
